Balancing my Desire for Spontaneous Intimacy While Seeking a Committed Partnership
As a gay man in my late 40s, my life has involved numerous, largely enjoyable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a committed partnership which continued for four years, however I never felt completely content, in that I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for casual sex. Every time I begin seeing any man, once the newness dwindles, an impulse arises to be intimate with other men again.
Reflecting on the Possibility of Monogamy
I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to sustain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that numerous gay men engage in open relationships, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed demanding, frequently resulting in lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I desire another man to love me while allowing me to remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the psychological toll this might create. Is it best to keep having spontaneous encounters and accept that a lasting partnership is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused.
Every person’s intimate path varies. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to handle various forms of intimate connections in a finite way. Your needs in your current state could easily shift down the road; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and find greater understanding and a suitable route … or not. At some point you might meet a person who provides a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring what you want completely … and at another point you may choose that non-committal encounters are best for you. Fretting over what lies ahead and playing the “What if?” game is merely rooted in fear and a waste of your efforts. Try to be present in your relationships, and see the value of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen true intimacy with a single person, you will know.
- The psychotherapist practices as a American therapy professional who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
